urgency in everydayness

i've cried this year as i have read (with mother's eyes this time) how moses' mother sent him to live with the pharoah's daughter, how hannah took samuel to the temple to live with eli. suddenly the importance of this time with my boys has become eternally crucial, so much more than colors, numbers, letters and manners. wondered, with new eyes, what mary's days with Jesus were like when he was a toddler. i wonder about these women's moments of tiredness, yet necessity for courage from God. if in the middle of their days filled with meals, and routine, and whiney & sick babies - did these women sense the urgency of the outcome of their stories? probably not in the way that i sometimes nostalgically assume. i'm guessing that they too got caught in cycles of everydayness. that there were times where their little toddler had one more tantrum, and their patience was running low; and times when they just didn't feel like cleaning up one more mess; times when not everything was perfect when their hubby walked through the door at the end of the day, and dinner wasn't ready; times when they struggled to understand and submit to the men that God gave them. i try to imagine what those things were that God was using in their lives too, to purify their hearts, to prepare their little boys to be the men that God would use, to eventually save me.

www.wholeheart.org

this last weekend i was given a wonderful gift. far more than the monetary value of the gift itself. i got to go to a weekend retreat with sally clarkson! by far one of the most needed authors/mentors in my life.

when this weary mom was only hopeful that this weekend could refresh her - i found much more. not one of those life changing events, not a mountain top high - but sally, bless her heart, told me to work harder, serve more, be idealistic. all of those things had come into my conversations within the last week - that i was done. done with all the hard work that never ended. done serving, cause there was't anything left to give. and done being idealistic, that was for 1st time moms - life now is about logistics. thank you sally. it wasn't really that i had lost my vision, i was just tired. i had just had decided it was time to put it all in the back of my closet, to be pulled out 5 years from now when i had slept a little more, when the kids were a bit more capable, etc.

no longer! i have children of noble character to raise. my ideals need to be fleshed out & plans made for the logistics. my children will only learn how to serve with a genuine cheerful heart if they see it modeled - consistently. they will only have this one set of parents to learn from. no amount of flashcards or calculus classes will teach them about lasting love, commitment, devotion and protection - they will only have one chance to have this modeled. this is the best opportunity for them to experience love and worth that no possession can equal. to be taught of the Creator God who knit them together in another woman's womb - fearfully and wonderfully. if they don't learn compassion in our own home, anything they attempt to offer another will suffer. if they cannot learn peace in the relationships closest to themselves, anything they attempt in relationship outside of family will lack because they don't have enough to offer. if they haven't learned to bear one another's burdens inside our home, how will any other attempts have fruit? if they don't experience forgiveness by ones that mean the most to them, how will they know how to recipricate? if they don't watch us rejoicing with those that rejoice, and weeping with those that weep, they can only offer little more than cheering from the sidelines.

these children were chosen. grafted in with purpose & desire. may it never be that my children learn these lessons at someone else's feet, because i was "tired." may it be that others come beside us, encouraging us, reinforcing His word in my children, inspiring Life, true Life in Him, bearing our burden with us, but never ever because i gave up because i was tired.

this is what i was created for. i am picking my sword back up - i am charging the field! i am actively knowing His sabbath rest. i am learning of His capacity. i have hope.

if you sense a spring in my step, it is because i am working harder to capture my children's hearts; because i am serving my husband, children and friends in a more meaningful way; because i am striving to learn about this amazing purpose of bibilcal womanhood; and because i am staying up late and hashing out ideals, dreams and visions with my husband to raise the standard for our children's children.

please go to sally's website http://www.wholeheart.org/, pick up some of her books, read her blog http://wholeheart.typepad.com/itakejoy/, and if you get the chance . . . attend one of her conferences. i think you will be blessed.